4.3.13

despite my best efforts
i cannot hold you in my hands
you're the ever moving shore line
and i'm chasing you with tired legs
my feet disappearing under sand
my ankles raw and stinging in the sea water

its exhausting, but necessary

its the necessity of discretion
the necessity to keep it strictly emotionless
because it makes the fatigue melt away
like sugar on the tongue
and the taste of it is addicting

---

you fill my cheeks with flush
and provide that electricity
that sends me off into the world
with a smile
i have that sick understanding of addiction
and you to thank for it.

----

we sit and reminisce about the days
we spent together
young/dumb/careless
all rose colored through these adult lenses
my brain spins off into all the what ifs
they are too bitter to hold in my mouth

ive got bruises on my shins
from the daily battle i get to wage with myself
you rub small circles into them
because you think that massage
will rub out the hurt that we have inflicted on one another
but it just brings it into sharper focus
that knowledge that we can never have the past back